As Time Goes By

My fourth or fifth hand information advises me that my Uncle Dean in dying in Colorado. I got this from my mother who was contacted by her sister who heard it from their brother Bim who talked to my cousin David, Dean's son. (To the best of my knowledge I have never met my cousin David.)

My mother's family is a lot different from my dad's. Daddy's family has always been very close and stayed in touch, even the ones who lived out of state. They have a reunion every year and it is still well attended, even though my dad and his younger brother Don are the only surviving siblings. There are also two in-laws in addition to Mother and Don's wife Mary.

Mother's family, on the other hand, does not stay in touch and it is easy to assume that they do not care that much for each other. That is not the case. Dean has lived in Colorado for a long time, and he spent as much time there as he could before he actually moved there. Can't say that I blame him; given the choice of living in Colorado or Lewis, Kansas, I would take Colorado also, as long as it wasn't Eastern Colorado. Anyway, I think the last time I saw Dean was about 14 years ago. I didn't know him well before that. He just didn't seem to do "family" much, although he did not seem to dislike his family when he was around them.

Anyway, Mother feels a great deal of affection for her sisters and brothers and has made several visits to the Lewis area to see them. And she talked on the phone to Dean not too long ago. He was fine then, but apparently got pneumonia and is not pulling out of it. He is 2 years younger than she is, which would make him 80. (Sorry, Mother. It just slipped out!) That is not particularly old for Mother's family; Aunt Fern was about 92 when she died and Aunt Freeda will be 92 in October. Aunt June is about 85.

I often think my siblings and I learned our love of family from Daddy, but when I talk with Mother about her family, I think we may have learned even more from her. Daddy's family has always been easy to love. Intelligent, funny, literate, a certain amount of sophistication, and always connected. Mother's love for her family has required, I think, more acceptance, more tolerance, more forgiveness or even forgetfulness. And Mother has loved them. She is an amazing person, my mother, and not just because she can play the piano by ear. She has been an excellent mother, and good friend, a steadfast wife, and a constant sister. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

Oh yes, the title of this blog. Well, sometimes the passing of time just seems cruel. Things change. Time goes by. Maybe a better title would have been a reference to the Ray Price song - For the Good Times. I don't know. I'm tired. My heart hurts for my mother. I have yet to lose a sibling and she has lost 4 and is on the verge of losing another. And by lose I don't mean displace.